The Parenting Laws of Sod

There are very few things in life that are as uncertain as parenting. As a parent, you constantly find yourself second guessing – and often judging – yourself with every move. Should I really give Calpol for this ailment? Should I have given Calpol when I decided not to?! Have I over fed him today? Have I not fed him enough?! Have I taken him to enough stimulating activities this week? Have I given him enough downtime to just play and “be”?!

There are many, many aspects of parenting that we’ll never have a good enough answer for. But similarly, every now and again, our offspring will play a blinder. No, I’m not talking about those times that we cherish – when they hit a milestone early, when they’re  being adorably cute, when they learn something new – no, I’m talking about those other times. Those times when all you can do is huff and puff some choice words under your breath and raise your eyes skywards. I’m talking about the parenting laws of sod.

No matter what our plans are, I have decided that the universe will often have other ideas, and the following will always come to fruition:

1. To start with an oldie but a goodie, baby shall decide that the one time they fancy a lie in will be on the day that you need to get up early to be somewhere. 9am, 9:30 even? No problems, you’re raising a mini teenager! Except you had to leave for a doctor’s appointment at 8:30am. And you forgot to set the alarm. Because Baby will be your alarm, right?! Not on this occasion of the parenting law of sod, Mummy!

2. And while we’re on the subject of sleep, one of Baby Lighty’s favourite tricks is to pick a particular night to decide not to settle. Usually nights when Mrs Lighty has decided to give herself a night off from copywriting. Maybe I’ll take a bath, watch some crap TV, perhaps do some blogging! Nah-ah-ah Mummy! Thou shall not relax at your choosing! You need to be running up and down the stairs with a dummy / teddy / bottle / Ewan the blimmin’ Sheep*, depending entirely on the sleep aid of my choice at any given time, Mummy!

(*Mrs Lighty dosen’t mean it Ewan, I love you and your strangely soothing heavy-rain-remixed-with-womb-sounds really, you got me through many a sleepless newborn night!!)

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Little Ted and Ewan. On certain nights, when the law of the sod is prevailing, Mr and Mrs Lighty can be found running up and down the stairs with either one or both of these characters!

3. Or conversely, there are the times when I’m really up against a deadline. When I really need to get paid articles written. So please go to sleep quickly, Baby Lighty, I need to get 800 words under my belt tonight! But why would I do that, Mummy, surely your writing brain is at its best late at night after I’ve taken two hours to settle?! 

4. And let’s not forget the old “I’m going to start waking up repeatedly through the night because you’re about to go back to work after maternity leave” trick. And just when we’d been lulled into a false sense of security that they were sleeping through, too! But isn’t it a funny game Mummy, that now you’re not only panicked about going back to work but also panicked about potentially having to go back to work on two hours’ sleep, too?!

5. But enough about sleep! What about the other parenting laws of sod? Poo, for example? Or, as was often the case with Baby Lighty, sick? Of course, there was always the occasion when Baby Lighty combined both when we were at his six week health visitor check, and added a wee in the scales to boot. Well, what do you expect if you’re going to get me naked and pulled about at 6 weeks old, Mummy?! And did I have a decent set of spare clothes to change him into? No I did not, because that would of course go against the parenting laws of sod. Good job it was a summer of about 700 degree heat when Baby Lighty was tiny and he could therefore get away with a vest and little cardi until we got home.

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Baby Lighty after the poo / sick/ wee in the scales incident at the Health Visitor’s office. Note his bottom half is wrapped in a blanket, as Mrs Lighty of course didn’t have any spare trousers to put on him. Note also, Mrs Lighty’s very tired expression!!

6. Then there’s the realm of eating. You’re going over to someone’s house for dinner. They ask what Baby Lighty will eat. “Oh he’ll eat anything”, you casually reply. After all, this is the child that had smoked samon and baked camembert as some of their first tastes. Not today Mummy! Nope, today I have decided that I no longer like cheese / carrots / potatoes / cake / anything that I usually like / life! Sigh.

7. What about those rare occasions when you get a night off from being a parent, too? Like when it’s your wedding anniversary, and it’s your first proper date night in the 10 months since Baby Lighty’s arrival? Isn’t that just the night when your normally very content, very smiley baby decides that they’re going to scream for the hour before you leave them with the baby sitter and nothing will console them?! But I don’t want you to go Muuu-uuu-uuu-mmmy!!! (And let’s not forget that prior to that you’d also sat in traffic for an hour trying to get home from work, doing your make up on the bus because you wouldn’t have time when you eventually got in to do it, but that’s less of the parenting laws of sod and more of the M25 laws of sod!)

8. And you know those aforementioned milestones that sometimes our offspring make us really proud with by hitting them early? And you know those times when you really want to show them off? Usually at the 9 – 12 month check, or when you’re going for gold in the Mummy Olympics? Yep, you’ve guessed it. I am not going to play your game today, Mummy! I’ve been waving for weeks! Clapping? Easy peasy! Crawling? Well I only go where I want to go… And so I’ve decided that today, I am only going to perform when I want to perform! Of course you are, darling. Why would I expect anything else from the parenting laws of sod?!

And what makes it worse?! That the above are only the first eight commandments of the parenting laws of sod. I’m sure there will be many more to add as Baby Lighty becomes Toddler Lighty.

But surely, there are always exceptions to the rule, and the parenting laws of sod must’ve been made to be broken?! We can only live in hope…and perhaps film all of those milestones in the meantime as evidence?!

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47 thoughts on “The Parenting Laws of Sod

  1. The husband bought me tickets to the theatre for our anniversary. I looked forward to the night for 6 months. Babysitters were booked well in advance. Even got a new top for the occasion. The day arrives along with a 48 hour sickness bug, it’s victim being my youngest. #FartGlitter

  2. Excellent work and so true. I recall my daughter going for her six week check up and she threw up milk, did a wee and a poo on the doctor’s bed. “Have you just fed her?” The doctor asked. “Erm…I may have, yes.” And the sleep one I can definitely relate to. My son in 15 months and has never slept though. When he wakes up, all I can think of is that I have to get up and teach a bunch of unruly year 9s in five/four/three etc hours! #fartglitter

    1. Ooh I’m quite lucky that Baby Lighty is a fairly good sleeper, I can’t imagine having to go an impart knowledge to others’ children after a broken night’s sleep! Sounds like your six week check with your daughter was very similar to my experience though! Thanks for taking the time to read my post πŸ™‚

  3. Oh, this sounds SO familiar. Whenever my husband and I decide to have our version of a ‘date night’ (eating dinner alone after the baby has gone to bed with some wine and Netflix), the Popple decides that she doesn’t want to sleep. In fact, Mummy must go into her room and lay in the bed next to her cot until she settles for at least 45 minutes. Sigh. #fartglitter

    1. Oh yep. They always know, don’t they? We don’t utter the words “shall we watch a film tonight?” anymore in our household as it just won’t end up happening if we do!! Thanks for reading my post πŸ™‚ #fartglitter

  4. ha this is so true! the Ewan rainy womb sound got me through the night feeds too. it always brings back memories of me feeling like I was hanging out of my @ss. and I swear my boy ALWAYS knows when we are due to go away -cue illness. ##bigpinklink

    1. Haha, I’m strangely in love with the Ewan rainy womb sound now though, I’d quite like one for our room!! Yep I’m sure that’s another parenting law of sod that I’ve got to look forward to in the future!! #bigpinklink πŸ™‚

  5. Hah!! Think I’ve experienced most of these with my two. One of them always seems to wake up whenever I’m just settling down to a particular TV programme and I always have trouble settling them when I have work to do in the evening. I’m sure they can sense whenever I’m in a rush to be getting downstairs! #Bigpinklink x

    1. Ah you would know all about the copywriting parenting law of sod!! It’s a nightmare sometimes, isn’t it?! We always seem to get things done though as mums, don’t we?! #bigpinklink

  6. Oh yes! One of the biggest parenting rules is that if it can go wrong, it will. And, if the going wrong can be combined with poop or vomit, even better!

  7. These are all typical parenting laws of sod that I can totally empathise with – we had a poop explosion the other day at the service station – this has never happened with Pudding, she had lulled us into a false sense of security, so we had no clothes! Lucky we were off on holiday and had a suitcase in the car! #bigpinklink #fartglitter

  8. I think we might be raising the same, difficult children. Perhaps there is some kind of conspiracy? Tiny tot getting together and chuckling, ‘This’ll really f%$^ them up, teehee.’ It was alright that I was never on time with a newborn but people are less forgiving as they get older.

    #fartglitter

    1. Oh yes I’ve noticed that too! There’s not as much patience for a poo explosion just before you leave the house once they get bigger! Don’t tell me it gets worse?! #fartglitter

  9. Aha this made me chuckle, it’s so true. I especially get the one about them not showing the new things they’ve learnt! TM is always doing that to me, I’m like ‘look he rolls now…’ (Half an hour later of him stubbornly staying on his back) ‘well, he CAN!’. And he loves a lie in on days we have to be out early, so irritating!! #bigpinklink

    1. Yep! I said to the lady that runs the local Rhyme Time the other week that he joins in with Twinkle, Twinkle and Wind the Bobbin Up…would he join in during the session?! Of course he bloomin’ wouldn’t!! Thanks for reading my post πŸ™‚ #bigpinklink

  10. Sod’s Law is absolute. Our ever chatty daughter clams up at nursery or when she’s being assessed at the doctors only to start again the second we walk out.

    #bigpinklink

    1. Yep. Baby Lighty has been able to wave for months. Yet whenever I’ve told someone that he can wave, will he waved goodbye to them?! No he blimmin’ won’t!! Thanks for reading my post πŸ™‚ #bigpinklink

  11. I found myself nodding along to lots in this post! Our little ones favourite thing is to scream so much when we leave her with other people that we have to abandon what we are doing and where we are to come back and get her! Still waiting on the luxury of sleeping through 5 months old and still up at least once a night!

    1. If you’re planning on going back to work, she will no doubt decide to sleep though just beforehand, lull you into a false sense of security, then start waking up again, ha!! πŸ˜€ Thanks for reading my post πŸ™‚

  12. What a lovely post , I really enjoyed that ! Gave me a good giggle here and there , your baby is so gorgeous ! What a sweet little bundle you’ve got . I love your style of writing , very entertaining !

  13. Haha so true, they know!! Give me a night where I have nothing to do, A will be asleep within minutes. Got loads of stuff to do? Awake all night!! Ahh. Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays lovely! Kaye xo

  14. I am reminded of these rules every time we go on holiday just as a tooth decides to make an appearance, every time we dash out of the house running a bit too late for an appointment when the boy pulls his “concentrating” face and voila – exploding nappy!, everytime I pick up Miss Tot from nursery to take her straight out for the afternoon and am informed “Ooh sorry Miss Tot’s Mum – we had a bit of an incident with some paint but I’m sure it will wash out of her hair in the bath tonight…” Hmmf, Those pesky rules eh!? Great post as always hun. xx

  15. Oh that first one! Eden’s very first jabs we didn’t set alarm because baby, right? Nope. We woke up 45 mins before her jabs and had to throw her in some clothes and run to the doctor. We made it, thankfully, bue we learned our lesson! #passthesauce

    1. Oh my word, that sounds stressful!! Yep, you definitely learn your lesson…that said, on Tuesday I was cutting it fine when I used the baby alarm!! Thanks for reading my post πŸ™‚ #passthesauce

  16. They know, I swear they know! Whenever I have something I need to do in the evening (heading out, cooking dinner, or just jump in the shower because I didn’t get a chance in the morning!), it’s just inevitable that my little darling will be particularly fussy about going to sleep and demand that I sit with him. He’s also one for the ‘lie in on day when it’s important to be up and out early’ trick. Little pickle. #coolmumclub

  17. Love this, it is so true. When I was looking for a job, EVERY TIME I had a job interview my little one was up all night!!! Then, first day in new job guess what happened.. yep up all night the night before. Oh and dont even get me started on when you have a night out and they decide that is the night to play up and refuse to go to bed / sleep. It is like they have an inbuilt radar lol! #passthesauce

    1. I really thought last night would be a law of sod night…as you say, I went out for dinner with the girls, it wasn’t a mad one, but I could’ve done without the 6am wake up call this morning!! Thanks for reading my post πŸ™‚ #passthesauce

  18. Oh yes, can you see me nodding along? I had the one child who always did a poo or had to poo five minutes away from home all.the.time!! And of course, it will be the day I forgot to pack extra clothes, diapers, or whatever. This is such funny post, I laughed and at the same time, I felt sorry for you? Thanks for sharing with #PasstheSauce

    1. Haha, thanks for the pity, I appreciate it!! πŸ˜€ We have the opposite, we have the “I’m going to pop just as you want us to leave the house”, of course making us late!! Thanks for reading and also for hosting #passthesauce xxx

  19. Haha Great post! Sorry that you have had to enjoy these moments though! It’s just a phase, it’s just a phase… Rinse and repeat until you believe it yourself πŸ˜‰ xxx #fortheloveofBLOG

  20. I am reading your list and thinking “so true” to each of these points, it’s like our children have a sixth sense and know exactly when to pull the “sods law” trump card! I can already see the frequent night wakings happening again when I return to work, we are currently going through a spell of her only waking once or twice a night (I can cope with that). I had a little giggle at the comment about the 6 week check, my daughter decided to wee everywhere at hers all over her clothes, her spare set of clothes had got soaked in her changing bag from the rain, so I had no clean/dry clothes to put her back into. I decided that the weed on clothes were considerably less wet, god knows what the Health Visitors thought of me putting her back into those. Ha ha! Thanks so much for joining us at #fortheloveofBLOG, we really hope you can join our party next week. Claire x

    1. Haha! Last week we had a pair of slightly wee’d on jeans last week when I had to have Baby Lighty weighed but I’d only taken my small change bag as I wouldn’t out for long and didn’t have a spare set of clothes, so he had to wait until we got home to be changed!! Felt like an awful mum!! Thanks for hosting #fortheloveofBLOG πŸ™‚

  21. Hilarious! And thanks for the warning. πŸ˜‰ It’s as if you can never really plan anything because, well, kids. I think I’ll enjoy ‘planning’ and sticking to my pans for the next four months until baby gets here πŸ™‚

    #fortheloveofBLOG

    1. Yep definitely enjoy that!! On Monday we went out three times and all three times, just before we needed to leave, someone needed their nappy changing!! Enjoy being spontaneous now, just saying πŸ˜‰ Thanks for reading my post! #fortheloveofBLOG

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