Mrs Lighty was once told that when you become a mother, you’re instantly initiated into this super cool club where lovely ladies bond together over the one thing they’ve instantly got in common: their little darlings. At the time, we were wading our way through the murky waters of infertility, and I remember thinking that I didn’t want a baby for that reason, I just wanted a baby because I desperately wanted a baby.
But then I finally fell pregnant. And decided to do some NCT classes. And at that moment, it became clear. Once you’re a mum, you’re automatically enrolled in The Secret Sisterhood of the Awesome Mothers.
Yes, there are unfortunately times where the mummy olympics might rear its ugly head, and there are always going to be clashes between parenting styles, but true mummy friendships transcend these problems. With true mummy friends, you have found your tribe.
And you’ll find that even mothers outside of your immediate tribe will fall into your Awesome Mothers’ Club, just by being mothers themselves and being within proximity of another mother. It’s a very rare occasion when you walk past another mother, en-route to anywhere, and the two of you won’t share a little smile. A little smile that comes from knowing that you’re both within the same lovely, rewarding, terrifying, exhausting, mucky, beautiful Secret Sisterhood of Mothers. A smile that comes from knowing that maybe, just maybe, that mother you’re passing in the street has been up all night with a teething toddler and a little smile from a fellow mum – who maybe, just maybe, has been watching Ceebeebies on Iplayer since 5am because her little one got up before the channel even started for the day – will be all that she needs to brighten her day.
And the benefits don’t just stop there. No, indeed, once you become a member of The Secret Sisterhood of the Awesome Mothers, you automatically qualify for the following benefits:
- Help with opening doors: no true friendly mother worth their salt will watch another mother struggle through a doorway with a pram or a child in their arms and not offer help, particularly if that child is younger than yours. This offer extends to holding lift doors until your fellow mum can maneouvre their buggy into the tiny space on offer, too.
- Chit chat when queueing / on the bus / in lifts etc etc: I love the random conversations that strike up between mothers in these situations. I mean, it probably helps that Mrs Lighty generally doesn’t shut up, but I really do love having a random friendly natter with another mum that I’ve bumped into in whatever situation I find myself in. I once got so involved in a conversation with another mum when in a toy shop, that I found out not only the name of her little boy, but the fact that Baby Lighty’s name was her second choice, her baby’s birth weight, current weight, the names of her two grown up daughters, discovered a mutual love / hate relationship with In the Night Garden, and the fact that her son was a surprise and she didn’t find out she was pregnant unti she was 30 weeks gone, all in the space of 10 minutes!! Let’s face it, mothering can be lonely at times, particularly when you’re talking to someone who’s vocabulary consists of “balabubummmbo”, so striking up random conversations with fellow mums can often brighten a day.
- Words of support from unexpected places: those times are often a life saver. You know, the moment when your little darling is having a meltdown in a shop, and you’re trying your best to be your understanding, gentle mummy self, whilst trying to avoid the glances of annoyance that you’re sure are coming your way from other shoppers. Sometimes a few reassuring words that all of our little angels have their moments, or even a smile of support from another mum, are all you need to feel better. I recently got chatting (see I told you Mrs Lighty never shuts up!) to a fellow mum at a wedding, who told me how lovely it was that I still wore Baby Lighty in the sling at 13 months, and how they are only small for such a short space of time, and that I should enjoy the snuggles while I can. Having had an “Oh I’m surprised you still wear him in the sling!” comment earlier on that same day, the conversation from within the Awesome Mothers Club was a breath of fresh air!
- The loan of baby wipes / nappy bags / bibs /toys etc etc: Off to baby group and you’ve forgotten your bib? Risked popping to a friend’s house without your change bag, not counting on the newly-weaned poop factor? Dropped your rice cakes on the floor? Don’t worry, the Awesome Mothers Club will step in. I’ve lost count of the amount of loans I’ve had from friends and loans I’ve given back (although, on loaning a nappy, I REALLY don’t need it back afterwards, thank you!!). And sometimes it’s just easier to reach for your own wipes to give to a friend, because yours are just there, rather than your friend having to juggle her baby, go find her change bag and wrestle the wipes out of the packet; the Awesome Mothers Club will always recognise that.
Just a few of the awesome mothers within my tribe! there are maby more who I simply don’t have photos of because the lens is always turned on the children rather than the mothers!
- That little pick-me-up, just when you need it: when I’ve had a bad day / week / month, if I’ve ever even so much as mentioned it to the mothers within my tribe, they are always there with words of encouragement. From overly high expectations over Baby Lighty’s birthday party, through to little every day giggles over tales of wardrobe woes like splitting your dress with your post-baby fat bum as you bend to pick up the baby (that didn’t happen, and definitely didn’t happen to Mrs Lighty as she was about to head out the door to work!) and of course discussing feelings of mummy guilt with my baby Facebook group, there’s always another mum that has either been through it or is just there with a “you’re a fab mum and you’re doing great”. Thanks ladies 🙂
- The ability to arrange meet ups with Mums you’ve only met once or twice before: whether it’s a mum from a new baby group you’ve started attending or someone that lives in your area that you get chatting to over a baby weaning course, it’s not unusual to find yourself exchanging phone numbers and arranging to meet at the park like you never would with any other friendship.
- Common ground with total (Mummy) strangers: something which I constantly tell Mr Lighty – as it must work for Dads too – is that once you’re a Mum, you instantly have something in common with other Mums: a baby. This allows you to strike up small talk in social situations straight away on the likes of fruit purées, sleeping (or not sleeping) through the night, and, if you’re really lucky, poop.
- Someone to share it all with: and this is the crux of it all for me. I can’t imagine how lonely it would be to do this whole motherhood gig without my Mummy friends there to share the ups and downs. It breaks my heart when I read blog posts from fellow mums that are feeling a bit lonely or isolated, and that’s why I always try to subsribe to the Awesome Mothers’ Club whenever I can, as I know that if I was feeling down – or worse still, like a bad mother – I’d want to hear some words of support and / or receive a friendly smile from a stranger.
So thank you to all of my awesome mummy friends, I’m lucky enough that they are fabulous and plentiful. Thank you for all of the laughs, support, encouragement, listening to my worries and answering my stupid questions; this motherhood gig would certainly be a lot duller without you all!
This post is dedicated to the lovely Mrs Wighty who is leaving our tribe for pastures new today. We will miss you lots, and can’t wait to see you at an “event” soon! xxx
Proud to be linking up with:
Ah this is so very lovely! You look like you have loads of Mummy pals. Mum friends are the best and a definite necessity. I have a few people I was already friends with who had babies at similar times but I don’t feel I’ve made that many new mum friends, although I am sure I will over the years! It’s definitely a re-connecting thing though, I’ve met up with uni friends I had lost touch with and we pretty much only got back in touch because we’ve all had children!! I always try to smile at people when their babies or toddlers are upset, I hope they don’t take it the wrong way though. #fartglitter
Oh don’t get me wrong, many of my mummy friends are those that I’ve reconnected with as you say. I just love the common bond that you have once you’ve got a baby. Ah I’m sure they don’t take the smiles the wrong way 🙂 Thanks for taking the time to read my post 🙂 #fartglitter
Aw, lovely post! I cornered a poor mum in the park the other day and talked her ear off for an hour. No way would I have chatted with a stranger before. And thank you to the several lovely mums who’ve saved me when me forgetting nappies and wipes coincides with inevitable poonamis.
#fartglitter
Ah if it’d been me you cornered I would’ve enjoyed the conversation!! It’s lovely, isn’t it? #fartglitter xxx
It’s amazing the things we have in common with others just through being a mum. That smile or words of kindness can be so important some days! #dreamteam
Yes exactly! It never fails to cheer me up! Thanks for taking the time to read my post 🙂 #DreamTeam
This is so nice! I wish the mothers where I am were like that tbh. Most of my mummy pals are from Blogging if I’m honest. I know 3 other mothers in total who are nice. I normally get the long stare of “shut your child up” from a mother in the supermarket who has two little kids with them…. of only all mothers were like you! #FartGlitter
Jordanne || Thelifeofaglasgowgirl.co.uk
Oh noooo! I hate stories like this, makes me so sad 🙁 Don’t get me wrong, I’ve come across my fair share of those states too, but on the whole it’s all good. Move down South so that you can meet my tribe!! 😉 Thanks for taking the time to read my post xxx
Aw I love this! You’re so right. I have nearly done myself an injury trying to leap into position to hold a door open for another Mum before, and my hubby always shakes his head in disbelief when I stand pushing the tots on the swings for 10 mins and come away knowing the entire life story of the mum that was pushing her little one next to me. Oh yeah, and of course in that time we will of course have also swapped numbers and arranged a play / cake date. Mummies rock! Thanks for being one of my awesome mummy friends :0) xx
Aww thank you too! I know, I love a good natter with another mum! It can be all that you need to brighten your day 🙂 xxx
Love, love, LOVE this post!! Not just because I am featured (can’t believe how little Alfie is in this photo!!). I have met an array of wonderful mothers, some who are now friends for life (like your good self) and others who I have met briefly in passing but learnt a lot from. Not just mums though – I once met a dad on the train who spent the whole 50 minute journey telling me about his kids and asking about Alfie. It was so lovely how excited he was to share his parenting experiences.
I was trying to get a bit in about Dads but couldn’t quite make it fit. At a wedding recently I offered to hold a baby for a Dad who had been left too look after his twin boys while the Mum took their older daughter to the loo. It was lovely to be able to step in and help out for a few mins. And yes, one of my many lovely Mummy friends is you my dear! 🙂 PS, love that this is your first comment from your new site!! Xxx
Yup… you are never really alone once you have a little one in tow. With exception to a few of the judgey ones out there, the world seems full of other mums and dads ever so willing to lend a hand to other parents. Thanks so much for sharing this beautiful post with the #DreamTeam xx
Ah thanks for your kind words. I’m glad you’ve come across this wonderful world too 🙂 #DreamTeam
What a lovely post! I don’t know where I’d be without my mummy friends, they keep me sane and remind me that I’m only human, you have really captured this special and unique friendship brilliantly. Feel very lucky knowing I am in the Awesome Mummy’s club too! Thanks for sharing! #fortheloveofblog
Aww I’m glad I managed to capture it. A lot of what I was writing seemed quite trivial, but as a whole it’s such a wonderful, unique friendship as you say. And yay for another awesome Mum!! #fortheloveofBLOG xxx
I love the secret sisterhood of the awesome mothers, Hubby finds it highly peculiar how I can strike up a conversation with another Mum in the lift and have told each other our full life stories in less than four floors! I love the bond mothers have with each other and the help we give to one another. Thank you for linking to #bigpinklink xx
That’s exactly what I love too! It’s wonderful, isn’t it? Thanks for hosting #bigpinklink 🙂
I was nodding a long reading this and I love my mummy friends. I honestly don’t know what I would have done without them over the last year. Now I’ve gone back to work I miss them terribly. They would be no short of advice and wine, we had such a laugh. Like you it breaks my heart when I read posts about feeling lonely and isolated, there is so much support. It’s about finding it and smiling. Thanks so much for linking up at #fortheloveofBLOG. Claire x
Me too, I miss mine now I’m back at work and I only do two days…but with a few of the others back or about to start, it’s so difficult finding a day that we can all do. Hoping that my post will inspire a few more awesome mums to spread smiles 🙂 #fortheloveofBLOG
Ahh this is lovely and so true!! I completely agree how you can share little knowing glances or have encouraging conversations with other mummies whether they’re strangers or good friends. Just last week I was at the end of my tether with the 3 year old who was having a complete meltdown in the middle of a shopping centre and I was struggling to get her and all my shopping and the 4 year old back to the car. A lady a bit older than me touched me on the arm and said “We’ve all been there.” and I cried. Cried with relief that it’s not just me going through this, and cried because when you’re up against it a nice comment is all it takes to tip you over the edge! #BigPinkLink xx
Aww that’s so lovely of her! Definitely part of the Awesome Mother’s Club that lady! #BigPinkLink
I love this. All so true. Especially the opening doors thing! Others just don’t get how difficult something so simple is!
#postsfromtheheart
Ah thank you. I just think it’s always nice to lend a hand to those mums that need it! 🙂 #postsfromtheheart
Lovely to hear you’ve had such a positive experience of peer support. I must admit mine has been very mixed. But those who are great are worth their weight in gold. #postsfromtheheart
It makes me so sad when I read of others having a less than good experience. I hope it improves for you. Thanks so much for stopping by from #postsfromtheheart.
Well this is just a lovely post. Thank you for sharing. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy mentally ticking off all the mummy tribe rituals we have. We are a good team us mummies!
Ah thank you! I’m glad that it did make you feel warm and fuzzy, that was my intention of this post, to celebrate our mum friends. We do indeed make a good team, and a force to be reckoned with, eh?!
This is so very true. Having spent yesterday with my NCT tribe celebrating the communal first birthdays of our collective seven babies, I totally agree – true mummy friends are the best. You are however also right that it is those unknown mummies who often make your day, it is indeed like belonging to a secret club. Thank you so much for linking such a lovely post up to #PostsFromTheHeart
Ah you are very welcome. I love my NCT friends too, and all of my baby group friends. Us mothers are just awesome, hey? #PostsFromTheHeart