Today I don’t want to ‘Mummy’…

When I woke up this morning, I intended to use naptime productively to start drafting a post about toddler play activities. I guess this intention went hand in hand with the intention of coming up with exciting play opportunities for Baby Lighty, which went the same way that the original post went – down the pan.Yes, today was one of those days when I just don’t want to ‘Mummy’. That sounds completely awful when written down in black and white, particularly as for what felt like the longest time, all I wanted to do was be a Mummy.

But like it or not, I have these days every now and again. Invariably, they always seem to coincide with those days when I’m not seeing any of the members of my Mummy Tribe, or when I’m tired – that permanently exhausted, oh so tired feeling.

On these days I don’t have the patience for everything being pulled from the shelves, a certain someone throwing a tantrum upon being put back into the pushchair after a trip to the park, or Baby Lighty’s entire lunch being thrown on the floor, and then, whilst trying to clear up the mess, having more food thrown at my head.

On days like this, I really don’t need my living room to look like Hurricane Baby Lighty has whizzed through it…

It’s on these days when I feel like I’m not the mummy I want to be. The mummy I want to be is patient and gentle, gives cuddles and kisses and soothes those toddler frustrations. And I like to think that most of the time, I am just that. But sometimes – sometimes – this is too much. It’s not easy being patient when you’re having food thrown at you. Food which you lovingly prepared and bought with a thought to it being nutritious and filling for your child. Food which you worked hard to earn the money to provide, food which you can ill afford to have thrown on the floor.

And it’s all of these little aspects combined that make me – I’m ashamed to admit it – not as patient as I’d like to be. In fact, it’s these aspects that sometimes make me a shouty mummy, a shouty mummy that cries in front of Baby Lighty. That puts him down for a nap and then sinks onto the sofa into the world of blogging and daytime television, with a cuppa and some chocolate to try to rejuvenate herself but the whole time actually wallowing in guilt.

I am pretty sure that I’m not alone in this. I’m pretty sure that most mothers do, at some point or other, feel this way. It’s not to say that we don’t love our little ones – of course we do – but sometimes it’s hard to like the way they’re behaving.

With this in mind, why has this blog post been so hard to write, if that’s the case? I’ve had it sitting in my drafts for months, and in my mind for months prior to that. And I think the answer is that often we don’t like to admit this. We don’t like to admit that motherhood is hard, and that we all need a break. We don’t like to admit that we aren’t always as patient as we like, and that sometimes our well-planned, excellent intentions don’t come to fruition. Sometimes our little ones just don’t want to eat, and sometimes they don’t want to play nicely, they just want to rampage instead.

Social media can be a bolthole when we’re feeling like this, as we can reach out to like minded Mamas for support, but it can also be a hindrance. Look at any parenting Pinterest or Instagram account, and you’ll see wonderfully thought out toddler meals and activities. And yet some of us are just trying to get through the day without half of the toys getting broken and just some of the food we’ve prepared being eaten.

And so I’m writing this with the intention of being honest: today I don’t want to Mummy. I definitely want to be a mummy, but on days like today I’d much rather enjoy cuddles on the sofa with Baby Lighty please than trying to be Pinterest perfect, or indeed, anything perfect. I’d rather just enjoy those cuddles to make up for the shouting I may have done as my less patient self earlier. I’d like a hot cup of tea, to retreat under a blanket on the sofa with some rubbish daytime telly and to reach out for some adult conversation with some of my Mummy Tribe.

Enjoying some Mummy cuddles…

I may not get all of that – let’s face it, as mothers, there’s very little feeling sorry for ourselves – but I can enjoy a bit of naptime R&R and send an honest text or two to some of the members of my Awesome Mums’ Club to tell them that today hasn’t been great.

Oh and those cuddles: later I’ll enjoy some cuddles with Baby Lighty and apologise for being a grouchy Mummy today. I’ll be better tomorrow, I promise.

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21 thoughts on “Today I don’t want to ‘Mummy’…”

  1. Oh Mrs Lighty, I do love an honest post from you – you have the ability to tell it like it is, and say what everyone else wants to say but doesn’t want to for fear of being the only one out there to feel like that. You definitely are not alone. I have so many moments where I just want to be alone, and feel incredibly guilty for it! As a full time working mummy, surely I would want to spend every possible moment I can with my child, to make up for the fact I have to go to work? Every weekend rolls around and I see all these wonderful arts and crafts sessions on facebook and I realise yet again I’ve just let Alfie play with all his boring old toys and haven’t done anything remotely interesting with him! I think part and parcel of being a mum is learning to live with the guilt. There is definitely no shame in hiding under the blanket with baby, having a snuggle and watching a bit of Mr Tumble from time to time. Everyone does it, even if they don’t admit it. And you know if you ever need to have a mummy moan, I’m only on the end of a keyboard xx

    1. You do lovely things with Alfie every weekend!! I read your Times to Treasure posts!! But thank you. I hope you’re right and we all feel like this from time to time otherwise I’m definitely failing!! xxx

  2. I am feeling much the same myself today. Throughout the years three have been many days that I’d like to go into a room,close the door and my precious Little’s just disappear for awhile and I just sit or sleep. It’s THE hardest job in the world. Big hugs, you’re doing great xo

    1. Thank you, you are too! I’m pleased to here that most of us feel like this from time to time. I guess we all need a break from the hardest job in the world 🙂 xxx

  3. Well done on your honesty. I can appreciate how hard this was to write. It’s hard to admit that we and things hard but you really are not alone. And by opening up your feelings on this you will find others that too have rubbish days but we feel guilty for admitting it. Comparing ourselves to others is our downfall but we’ve all done it but even those perfect mummies will have rubbish days. Take some time for you if possible. Don’t blog during the next nap time, don’t do the housework – make a cup of tea, grab a magazine and just take five my lovely xx #DreamTeam

    1. Yes that’s good advice and always my downfall…I never just relax during nap time!! I’ve had such lovely comments that it seems like we all have these days. Thanks so much for taking the time to read my post 🙂 #DreamTeam

  4. I can totally relate to these days. When you are tired have no plans and feel meh. We all have them, I just try and remember the days are long but the years are short. It won’t always be like that and I’ll look back on those days and be grateful I sat on my bum and did nothing ? before you know it, it will be manic with school runs, after school activities etc. Don’t beat yourself up too much xx

  5. I have lot’s of days like this. I also suffer with depression which can make it even harder. I often feel guilty when I feel like this, but there are lot’s of other parents who feel the same and those perfect pictures for pinterest and instagram are just for show. I should know, I post them all the time LOL #DreamTeam

  6. My mummy has days like that, especially recently as she’s not well, sometimes it’s ok to take a break and whack the telly on, in order to get the things done that you want to do. Everything in moderation xx big virtual hugs xx #DreamTeam

  7. We all have days when we wish we’d acted a bit different in situations. I think it’s only natural. So don’t feel bad for the odd day where you wish you could have ‘Mummed’ differently too #dreamteam

  8. Lovely honest post darling. I shouted at my little day while she was ill as was trying to do everything while she was being ill when I should have just sat on the sofa and cuddled her did which is what I did after that episode. Thanks For making me feel better lovely and for linking up to #coolmumclub xx

    1. That was me on the day I wrote this. I shouted at him for throwing his lunch on the floor when the rational part of my brain should’ve just thought “he’s tired”. I’m kinda glad we all go through it. Thanks for hosting #coolmumclub, as always xxx

  9. You are so right that sometimes it’s hard to admit that this parenting malarkey is pretty tough. It’s not possible to be perfect all the time and some days will be tougher than others. But we are all in this together 🙂 Thank you for sharing with the #Dreamteam xxx

  10. I love your honestly and there are days when i don’t want to ‘mummy ‘ either. Im sure i saw one of the Pro Bloggers once write that being a parent blogger would be much easier if you didn’t have any kids !! Thanks for linking up. Hope you join us tomorrow #PostsFromTheHeart

    1. Haha, yes wouldn’t it just!! Thank you, it was a very honest post and one that I find myself referring to often on those bad days, especially as I have received such lovely comments from so very many people. Thanks so much for hosting #PostsFromTheHeart, definitely will be back tomorrow! 🙂

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